A Toast to the Fallen
by retln8
Summary: Follows the end of Mass Effect 3. Caution Spoilers if you haven't played/finished the game.     Captain Shepard walks into a bar...


_Joker and Vega looked around at their odd surroundings. Since the Normandy had crash landed on the lush jungle planet, they had been busy with the survivors, and tending the injured. The wave of energy that the blast had produced was intense, and yet they were still standing. Joker had liberated one of Dr. Chakwas' bottles of Serrice Brandy, she wouldn't be needing it any longer. He and Vega sat quietly for a minute. It had been a hell of a thing, that's for sure. Joker uncorked the bottle of brandy and poured a generous portion in the glass._

Shepard looked down at the glass in her hand, unsure of having ordered it. She looked around, her grey eyes taking in what seemed like an upscale lounge, one that masquerades as an Officer's bar. With so so few people, it was hard to tell. The bartender was pleasant enough, not asking questions, his face had been full of them but he hadn't asked. She looked in the mirror behind him surprised to see how well the Citadel surgeons had stitched her up. Her mind whirred for a minute before realizing, the Citadel was gone. Her eyes widened and she began to wonder how she had gotten here. Needing the fortification, she knocked back the brandy.

The bartender seemed to notice and refilled her glass before speaking. "Commander Shepard?"

"Uh, yes." She wasn't shocked by his recognition. Most people seemed to know who she was.

"Your friends said I should expect you. They're waiting in the back room." He gestured to a door she hadn't seen. Taking her newly refilled drink she turned then paused.

"How much do I owe you for the drink?"

"It's on the house, least I could do." The bartender nodded and motioned toward the room where her friends were waiting. For the first time since taking command, she felt nervous. Was she late? There was a sultry laugh that sounded so like Ashley's, but that wasn't possible. Ashley had been lost on Ilos.

The door opened to a cozy room filled with a soft light. People were in shadows, and it was hard to make anyone out. A number of them gathered around a brightly lit table, playing cards. Only the turian looked up. Garrus, minus his usually ever-present visor, nodded; his mandibles moved in what she had come to recognize as a smile.

"Shepard! There you are. I guess it's true; there is no Shepard without Vakarrian." Her heart clenched as she heard the words and then took a longer look around the table, around the room. Flashes of the crew past and present flicked in and out of the darkness, Liara, Ashley, Mordin, Jack, all there. Garrus pulled out a chair next to him and invited Shepard to sit. She listened to the murmured conversations. Each shadowy form shifted and coalesced into a person, only to fade within another circle. The dance of shadows was intricate and interesting, her friends calling her to walk alongside them, to talk with them. Shepard looked around for Kaidan or Anderson but saw neither. Garrrus watched her and chuckled.

"Where are we Garrus? What kind of bar is this place?"

"You remember the night before the big battle on your planet? When we promised that if anything happened we would meet at the bar?"

"So… Heaven… Heaven is actually a bar?" She laughed at the irony of it.

"This part appears to be. I started out somewhere surrounded by other Turians, but I got thirsty, so I came here. And now… here you are." His taloned hand punctuated his sentences and she smiled at the familiarity of it all. If she would have had a hand in designing heaven, she was pretty sure it would look like this, and be filled with these people.

"So where's Anderson?"

"I don't know. He might show up. I'm sure you will cross paths with him again." Garrus looked at his hand of cards and made his bet before going back to the conversation. "I know some people survived that battle. I'm sure when they get here, the stories they will tell…"

"What about Kaidan?" Garrus looked at his hand of cards and then back at her.

"I don't know, haven't seen him. Look around, maybe you'll find him." He bumped her slightly before going back to his game. She didn't move right away, staring in awe at the gang that had gathered.

Shepard stood and looked for Ashley, finding her at the far end of the room, nursing a drink. Ash smiled at her and nodded as she made room for her commanding officer.

"I never got a chance to say goodbye. I'm sorry Ash." Ashley laughed; the sound light and it tugged at Shepard's heart. She'd missed Ashley's raw humor.

"Kaidan was the superior officer, you made the right choice. Don't tell me you second guessed yourself, skipper." Ashley looked at Shepard and then leaned in clinked their glasses together. The two of them spoke softly about the times they had shared and Shepard talked about her missions since. Shepard listened to her friend laugh and wished that she could have had her good humor with her over the past years, but she knew that she had to move on; to keep looking for Kaidan.

Shepard stopped and listened to Mordin and Kirrahe talk about a number of things very quickly, making her laugh as they attempted to outdo one another. Zaeed complained about the quality of the whisky but blushed slightly as someone complimented him on his work on the front line, clearing the way for Shepard. On it went, as she circulated. She didn't see Thane, but she hadn't expected to. His heaven was the sea, and she sent a prayer out hoping that he could be reunited with his wife wherever he was.

She sought out Liara and saw an attractive young woman with her. The body armor was Tali's but the woman wasn't wearing a Quarian helmet. Shepard stared, stunned at her delicate features and wide glowing eyes. The woman grinned and when she said Shepard's name, it all clicked into place.

"How's life outside your helmet?" Shepard's awe made her voice soft. She grinned at Tali's laugh. "I'm sorry about your beachfront property, or mountain view."

"It's alright Shepard. I got to set foot on my planet and that is more than many of my people got to do." Liara was watching the exchange with a sweet indulgence. Shepard wasn't sure what to say to her asari friend. The asari were supposed to live for centuries and Liara was quite young in comparison.

Shepard remembered the gift that Liara had given her shortly before the battle and tears pricked her eyes, how does one make up for that.

"Jane? Is something wrong?" Liara touched her arm and the commander turned her eyes, wet with tears, toward her friend.

"I'm so sorry, Liara. You should have had a chance to find a love and have children and…" A soft blue finger pressed against her lips. Liara smiled gently and then embraced her friend, kissing Shepard lightly on her cheek.

"I found love. I had you, my friend. That's all I needed. You gave me the world and so much more. " The asari kissed her cheek a second time and released Shepard gently. "Someone is here to see you."

There was a shuffling behind her and Jane Shepard turned. Kaidan stood alone, illuminated by a soft light.

_"Did you ever think about kissing Shepard… maybe more?" Vega's question almost caused Joker to aspirate his drink. The large man laughed heartily, the first one since before the big battle. Joker's face was red and he searched frantically to make sure EDI was out of earshot._

_"No!" Vega continued to look at Joker and raised an eyebrow. "Ok… yeah, but she was the commanding officer." The two men chuckled._

_"Besides, Kaidan would have had our heads," Vega laughed._

_"One of them would have broken me. Kissing Shepard though, what a way to go. How about you?"_

_"Yeah, I would have liked a taste of Lola… maybe more." The guys clinked glasses and thought about their commander in ways unbefitting a soldier._

Jane rushed into Kaidan's arms, gratified that he didn't speak right away. Visions of him being hit by the reaper's beam played out on her eyelids but his warmth felt so much more real to her. She needed to feel his warmth, run her hands over the planes of his back. When she could speak, Jane stuttered at first; finding the words, that should have been so easy, eluding her.

"You came. I wasn't sure…" She started to speak and was cut off as Kaidan kissed her just as she had always dreamed he would.

"I should have spent more time with you; I don't know why I denied myself. Shepard… Jane, is it really you?" Kaidan's hands ran over her face, proving to himself that she was in his arms.

"It's me Kaidan. Now that we have forever, what are we going to do?" Shepard looked at him and smiled softly. He whirled her around, and laughed.

"We can do whatever we like, see whatever we want. Just you… and me." He kissed her hard, possessively and she was happy to let him take charge. His hand played with the hair at the back of her neck and she shivered with want. It was always like that with Kaidan.

The bartender and some wait staff came in with trays filled with glasses.

"A toast!" Someone shouted. All eyes turned toward Shepard. Her grey eyes narrowed a bit as she thought, then she grinned.

She raised her glass high and waited for everyone to follow suit.

"To those still in the fight." A cheer went up.

_"To the fallen." Joker said, raising his glass again and touching it to Vega's._

_"Who are like us?" Vega asked. He grinned as Joker's eyes turned a little wet._

_"Damn few."_


End file.
